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Mr. Greenjeans

 Golden Eggs

This letter was submitted to the editor of a local agricultural newspaper several years ago after farmers in the region had blocked a major highway in protest of the government’s increasingly difficult new policies for environmental protection, coupled with their seeming indifference to a growing agricultural revenue crisis. I decided to share it because it very simply demonstrates how farmers are caught between a growing world population that demands cheap and safe food, and increasing public discontent with pollution, odours, factory farming etc.

Dear Editor,

Once their was a country with goose that laid golden eggs. This was fortunate because the country needed a supply of golden eggs and if the goose was well cared for, it would lay one golden egg a day.

So it was decided that someone would take responsibility for the goose and in return, keep the golden eggs and sell them. As it turned out, one golden egg a day brought just enough to provide a comfortable living for the goose keeper and so everyone was content and this continued for many years.

After some time had passed the goose-keeper retired and responsibility for the goose passed on to his son. Unfortunately, people living in the country had gotten used to golden eggs and no longer thought they were very special. In fact, they were still paying the same price for the eggs as they did to the father; and of course, as everything else had gone up in price over the years, the son could not support his family on one egg a day.

But he did know a little bit about getting eggs out of geese. He knew that if he fed the goose the most expensive, high quality feed, the goose would lay two eggs a day and with two eggs a day, the son could live almost as comfortably as the father.

After some time, the son retired and the responsibility for the goose passed on to his son. By now, people had gotten so used to an abundance of golden eggs that they paid very little more than they had paid the grandfather for his eggs. And, of course, everything else was now so much more expensive that the grandson could not possibly support himself on two eggs a day; however, he did know a little bit about getting eggs out of geese.

So he began feeding the goose antibiotic feeds, injecting it with growth hormones, and confining it in a tight cage. Under these conditions, the goose would lay three eggs a day, and with three eggs a day, and a little work on the side, the son could live almost as well as his father.

But the people were not content. They said the goose smelled really bad and they didn’t like all the extra things added to the goose’s food. Some people even said that keeping the goose under these conditions was animal cruelty.

One group said "Why can’t you go back to the good old days of your grandfather and raise the goose the way he did?" The goose keeper replied "I’d love to do that, but if I’m only going to get one egg a day, will you now pay me three times as much for them?"

"No, no", said the people, "of course not, but surely the pleasure of looking after the goose more than compensates you for your poverty."

Another group said "Just sell the goose. We can always buy our golden eggs from countries where people don’t mind being poor."

A third group said "You know, if we genetically modify the goose, it would probably lay four eggs!"

Uncertain what to do, the goose keeper turned to the government of the people for help. "Of course we will help you. Golden eggs are the cornerstone of our society and the fabric of our nation. We must do everything we can to secure a stable supply of golden eggs."

"But first, we have a few things we need you to do. We’d like you to prepare a goose management plan. This is a plan that details all the different ways you care for the goose and their possible environmental impact. At the same time, we are very concerned about gold poisoning. We'’ like you to build three new buildings: one to house the goose, a separate one to clean the eggs, and a third one to store the eggs."

"This would prevent any possible cross-contamination of the gold. And one final thing, we’ve noticed the goose sometimes has access to nearby rivers and waterways. Could you install an elaborate fencing system all around the goose pen, just to be safe?"

"Now, when you’re finished all that, we’ll consider talking to you about your problems."

And that’s when the goose keeper responded by getting on his tractor and blocking the highway.

Original letter by:

Oliver Loten